Mar 15

(No title)

Had a rather long day! Long, not because of its duration, but more because of all that was done! Somehow my day seems to start at 6 in the morning, and winds all the way up till 2 AM in the middle of the night. Am I burning my energy off..? I dunno! Am I a workaholic? Could be! Somehow, there seems to be so much to accomplish, and there is so less time vested for me! There are days when I just want to stop everything. I want to just sit and watch a bird hop on the trees, squirrels run around, see a flower bloom…. simple things, unhurried, and magical! One day… just one of these days! This was the thought that crossed my mind, today morning while going to the school for my job when I watched a flock of geese fly by!
I do this everytime I leave for my job! The way to the school where I work is peckered with houses, cute little ones built of red bricks.. yellow stones and what not, with nice little porches in front of them. Some of ’em still have the kitched lights turned on, and I wonder; “What would life be behind those walls? What tensions and what concerns would they have! How would they start their day?What would they talk at their dinner table in the night, and at breakfast in the morning?” And for some unknown reason, I smile. I am amidst humans, who like me, have their worries and concerns. That is what I like about this! I am in touch with the human nature inside me. Amen to that.

Mar 14

(No title)

Why do we let some people influence us so much? Some people can make us happy more than we ever felt like, and at the same time remove the very life from our very being? It is as if, our whole vitality has gone and vested itself in the other person! Wasn’t man meant to be self-reliant? If so, this isn’t that! I am confused, bewildered and totally besides myself. It is one thing to tell others to be self-reliant, and not let -ve things influence, but somehow when it comes to the self, everything collapses and we are back to the same track!
Relationships, friendships are meant to be enriching. If one is getting bogged down by them, getting out of sync with these things, then something is missing somewhere isn’t it? What is it? I dunno, I am lost! God! plz help me. I know I am not perfect, that I do mistakes. But please don’t give up on me.
Give me the strength to bear my Lord! I am getting exhausted with all this. Give me your grace to be kind and understanding of others as also myself. To love others and myself! Please God! help me.

Mar 14

Sad!

I donno why! Feeling rather sad today. Am angry with myself. Don’t feel like really writing anything. Am I just being used by people?!! Shit! Gives me a feeling of being a chewing gum.. something for everyone to chew and spit out later after the flavor is gone.
Am I to be blamed.. or is it that the world just waits for victims to pounce upon and rub their dirty feets on. Am really not feeling secure anymore being good! I don’t want to hate the world… but I am afraid I am beginning to.

Mar 13

Idle musings!!

Had been out for a walk! Rather cold wind, froze my nose red! It is so tough to keep your mind calm, and not let it think about anything. I tried a lot, the wind raging outside was no match to the one inside. I like going around the campus of my University. There are calm and peaceful spots that I have marked and visit them quite often. Inspite of the cold wind, I did enjoy going back to those familiar spots. My mind has conversed a lot with the plants, the trees and the flowers over there; silent statues that give you company, the squirrels who have so much taken a liking to me, that they now share the peanuts off my own hands.
There is something that has to be said about going on walks alone. I’m not a loner, mind u – can be a party rocker any day. But when it is solitude that one is seeking, there is no better companion than one self. Today was one of those moments. The new moon was pretty. I liked it. The slight arch, was showing blood red today – rare and a beautiful sight. I took a long walk, trying to feel the nature around me.
The flowers have started to bloom. I held a couple of ’em in my hand.. tender petals that seemed to be softly smiling… like a half asleep child being rocked in the warmth of its mother’s bosom. Spring is setting its foot. There is something so refreshing about spring… its probably the beginning of life. A new beginning heralded by the wondrous colorful and decorated nature. Its a celebration of life, and I wanna be a part of it.

Mar 12

MS Subbulakshmi – The Divinity of Classical Music


Smt. M S Subbulakshmi, is a name that is sychoronous with Classical Carnatic music. I am at a loss of words to describe her, suffice it to say that she was my “maanasa guru” – a teacher I followed by my heart. I have learnt numerous stotras and songs by listening her sing. I have followed her style albeit, not her dedication and proficiency. The thing that most set apart MS from other stalwarts was probably the way her rendering of the songs was seethed with emotions. Several of her songs –
“Jo Acyutaananda”
“Sikshashtakam”
“Bhaavayami Raghuramam”
“Bhaavayami Gopalabalam”
have brought tears to my eyes, by touching my heart with their devotion. Her very form was so divine, that it would make any person around her be touched by a deep sense of well being and a strange feeling of being in the presence of something pure, great, and ethereal. The very fact that I am feeling so happy writing about her, stands as testimony how a true artist can touch the life of even a remotely obscure person such as me. I wonder how many people she has touched so. Can’t really believe she passed away! No, she didn’t.
jayanti te sukrutino rasa siddhaaH kavIshwaraaH
nAsti tEShaaM yaShaH kaaye jaraa maraNajaM bhayaM

Mar 12

Priorities

We all have priorities in life. Things that we need to do most importantly of the several other deeds we spend our time upon. The question is, do we do that? I really wonder how many of us would give a sincere reply to that. If at all we do, I think a majority of the answer wouldn’t be affirmative. So then, why is it that man doesn’t prioritize his needs and deeds. If you observe, there is a direct relationship between our needs and deeds. If we prioritize our needs, that will guide our actions.
So logically if our needs are misplaced, I think, there is no way one can clearly see the priorities of life. As a student, at this stage, my need is to get good grades to ensure a good job when I graduate. So I must obviously prioritize my studies above the rest. But then, isn’t it rather painful to follow the rules and regulations? The mind rebels at the thought of regulations. The travails of studies, the colorless days of working on assignments and projects somehow seem to be less important to the more pleasureable ways of dispensing the time we have in idle activites of mind, rationalizing that under the pretext of “All work and no play” stuffs. I am not bringing into consideration the issue of legitimate hobbies that we indulge in to take a break amidst the more mundane works. But, I am more concerned when the priorities are interchanged.
So what makes one to change them? Is it because, by nature, we are more attracted towards anything that involves less work on our part or one that is less taxing? Man’s inherent tendency is to reap the maximum benefits by putting in the minimum amount of work. Probably this is the other face of the coin.
Then shall we call being responsible, all about being able to prioritize the needs effectively and acting accordingly? If it is so, how responsible am I?