May 04

An Evening with Mandolin Srinivas

30th April was a Sunday, unlike the others! What started as yeddanoder normal day, took a U Turn by the afternoon, when a friend of mine (bless his heart), came with the surprising news that Mandolin U Srinivas was performing in Wichita that evening! Now I will save you all the pain of having to hear/read about the multitudinous levels of ecstasy, I felt upon hearing it. Suffice it to say, it was up for grabs, and I’d have gone out on a limb for it! Then came the arduous task of having to wait the painful 6 hrs! The program was due to start at 7 PM at the Twentieth Century Hall in Wichita.
I knew that the evening would be anything but ordinary! And so it was! It had an ‘extra’ appended to it in the fore front! Me and my friend were there right on time.
U Srinivas was accompanied by his brother U Rajesh, and percussionists – Sri Muruga Bhoopathy on Mridangam and Sri Ramani on Ghatam. The concert began with a varNa, soon to be followed by his famous rendition of Sri Muttuswamy Dikshitar’s kRuti “vAtApi gaNapatim bhajE” in hamsadhwani raaga, set to Adi taaLa. It was followed by a few kRuti’s of Sri Tyagaraja – “Sobillu saptaswara” (in jaganmohini raaga, rUpaka taaLa), “marugElara O rAghava”, for which the alaapana in between featured a mesmerizing jugalbandi between Srinivas and Rajesh. This was followed by a 20 mins break.
The concert resumed with an enthralling rendition of “Saamajavaragamana” (raaga hindOLa, Adi taaLa), that featured an almost 20 mins rendition of jugal bandi between all the instrumentalists! Sri Ramani and Sri Muruga Bhoopathy were clearly the stars of this part! One could not help but notice the mellifluous partnership between all the players. The experience of listening to it, can never be summarized in mundane words of limited expressions and meanings! The other kRuti’s played included a Sai bhajan, Annamayya’s keertane – “Brahmamokkate (tandanaana bhala)”, “Siva hara chandrashekhara”, and finally a tillana.
There are no words to describe the talent vested in Srinivas. Clearly, his brother Rajesh is not to be counted less in any way! Infact, it was Rajesh’s instrument that sounded better than Srinivas’ all through the concert! But then, the playing was equally matched between the two. The percussionists only amplified the aura of an already shining performance! The sound quality did suffer a bit in the later part of the concert, but was soon rectified.
Apart from the omniscient irritability of Indian audiences’ apathy towards fine art, the poor propaganda given for the event was an cause for personal ruse! Occassional noises of cell phones ringing held a mirror for the etiquette those persons held! Well let’s not get into that!
After a wonderful 2 hours of divine music, the small rendezvous with them in person, left me humbled! Finding an artist of his stature, to be so humble, and down to earth, only showed the shallowness in us and again went to prove the greatness of an art like music! It was a moment of personal satisfaction, coupled with divine experience!

May 03

Predictability and Boredom

Long absence! A gradual side lining of the urge to write? I dunno! As a friend of mine so well described, its the tussell of the mind and the spirit (buddhi mattu manassu). Or as calvin would say it “The Mind is willing but the body refuses!”. Whatever the case maybe, this long absence, lemme assure you, wasn’t without reason! Several thoughts have bombarded me in the meanwhile, and they are all cached up in the mind, for idle brooding during those long hours of solitude.
When I sat down to write something about “Predictability and Boredom”, I had a plethora of ideas, and opinions to share. But suddenly, the drive to write seems to have seeped off! I can’t decide what it is that is diminishing? The urge to write? Or the urge to share? I have realized a glaring problem I have with my attitude! It’s too free flowing! Or must I say indisciplined? It is hard for me to be rooted! Probably that is the reason I love the water and wind so much! They are so dynamic! Hard to be bound! I like my interests to be free, and not turned into bindings! I’d like to write, when I feel like it, not because I have to! I’d like to draw, when I feel like it, not because I have to! I have begun to avert routine! Which in a way brings me to the topic, “Predictability and Boredom”! Routine makes things predictable! It is, in a way discipline. But how is one to be disciplined, without falling prey to boredom?
The reason, I have started to refrain from writing is also partly because, my writing seems to be more and more predictable, to me! There were certain days, earlier, when I wrote in a trance! Much as if, it wasn’t me who was writing, but someone else! And at the end of it all, when I went over what I had written, it would baffle me! Now, somehow, after all these years, it doesn’t! That is what I meant when I said, I am becoming predictable! So am I getting bored of my own writings? In a way, YES!
I contemplated closing this blog! Or exploring newer avenues! But the creative surge is not what it used to be! Sometimes, I fear, my creativity may become predictable, and I may get bored of it too! I remember reading in “Illusions” –In order to live free and happy, one must sacrifice boredom. It is not an easy sacrifice“. I guess, I am realizing the meaning of it. What is it with being creative that makes it both a curse and a boon to the person? Why is it that one can’t be satisfied in being like everyone else?! Why is it that one feels this urge to be different, from others, and takes it so strongly, that one day, he realizes that he just wants to be different than himself! Is there an end to this struggle? Is discipline the only answer? My mind feels like a young child, refusing to take its medicine for reason that its bitter! It sees the need to be healthy, but seeks for a sweeter solution! Coming to think of it, maybe it wouldn’t even mind being so, for all the attention it can garner! Is that what this is all about? I am clueless!
A few days ago, I had written about the tussell in my mind about the spirituality, about how I am getting bored of ritualistic worships! I can see the effect percolating slowly to all walks of life! Work, hobbies, interests, … it is encompassing all aspects of my life! I haven’t been able to complete a book I started, call up and catch on old friends, reply to those long awaiting emails, or update the blogs!! Maybe one fine day, I will get bored of being bored! Human mind is so tricky! We feel we have studied it – known its intricate makeup, the sectors, the parts, the anatomy of it all! And before long, it baffles us, by playing a trick. We look at ourselves in the mirror, and wonder when we turned out to be so different!
I really don’t know how to end this! Probably because, I am yet to find an ending to this matter! So for once, I am not going to conclude this. It is a question I am yet to find an answer to, like so many others in my mind! But right now, this has come forefront. Is there a solution at all? I wonder…..

Apr 12

The End Of An Epic Figure!

It is a rude way to wake up in the morning, and learn the first thing that someone who was a part of your life, is no more. It isn’t a new news at this hour! I am sure, the kannadigas world wide, are already aware that Dr. Rajkumar, so lovingly addressed as “aNNAvru” is no more. He passed away on the 12th of April, around 2:15 PM IST.
Glowing tributes have been written, his accomplishments have been listed, praised, and his death has been described as a void, that will never be filled. It is all of that, and so much more that its impossible to be bounded within the realms of vocabulary. Am I being over-emotional? I do not want to judge my feelings for him. They are what they are! Over or under!
To say that I grew up with Dr. Rajkumar isn’t an exaggeration. I do not remember the first movie of Dr. Rajkumar that I saw. But I do remember that ever since I was a kid, I would look forward for his movies. When I’d stand to pose for a camera, inevitably, my posture would be one of his, elegantly lifted off of the posters, that I’d stare at in awe! I remember how eagerly I’d await the return of my father from his work on Fridays, when the movies would be released, and I knew for sure, that he would have the tickets for Dr. Raj’s movies at Navrang Theatre, in Rajajinagar. I’d then gloat in front of my friends from the neighborhood of how, we are going to see his movie that very evening! And what would follow after that, was a meeting of all my friends, on the terrace of my house. I’d relate the story, enact it at some points, say the key dialogues with equal fervour… my heart filled with a sense of pride! I am emulating Dr. Rajkumar’s acting!
I remember the multitude of songs I learnt by heart, to beat my brother! We would compete with eachother, in by hearting as many songs of his as possible, in collecting as many stickers of Dr. Rajkumar, in learning his dialogues, as to who was a greater fan of him! That is how integrated my childhood was with his persona. His demise, brings back all those memories and they are dear to me. He was a part of that dearness.
I remember my eyes wide open in awe, watching him in the royal roles of Kings long gone, of whose wonders we cud only read in books! I remember my eyes wet with tears, looking at his laments as Bhakta Kumbaara! I remember these very eyes looking up in admiration for his roles as the brave police officer, the do gooder, the farmer, the innocent young boy, the give-all, the altruist, the lover, the revolutionary!
How can I forget the dynamic dialogues of his that won me the first place in mono-acting- “naanu yaaru? kashyapa brahmana maga…chaturmuKa brahmana mommaga. hari hara brahmaadigaLE aDDa baMdarU naDugisuva, graha taaregaLE dikkApAlaagi ODuvante maaDuva, indra, varuNa, vaayu, agnigaLannE nanna dAsarannAgisikoMDiruva I hiraNya kaShyapuvina vaMSadalli huTTida ee kunni, nannedurigE nanna vairiyaada aa hariyannu smaraNe maaDuvaShTu uddhaTatanavE!!!!“.
Having come so far off from my home, my state, and staying in a foreign nation, when the heart yearns for some memories of the past, I watch his movies. My mind runs back to the streets of Rajajinagar and the terrace of our house. I shall continue to do so, but there shall be a difference. A haunting thought, that a person who in his own special way, was a part of my childhood, is now not present physically. I know the tunes of the jazz that go, he will always be present in his work.. and blah blah blah blah.. but its a fact that things won’t be the same. There are very few dignitaries whose death as I lived, really shook me personally – Mother Theresa, Smt. M S Subbulakshmi, and now it is Dr. Rajkumar.
Can words eulogize his death? I do not want to do that! I will miss him, I know that. So shall millions of his fans world wide. All said and done, he was an epic in himself, so humble, and so earthly, that sometimes, I would wonder, if it is at all possible for a star to have his foot on the earth as he did! It was all just so surreal! It was a wonder, a puzzle! I get carried away so much with even miniscule of my achievements, and yet, this person, remained so rooted to his identity as a simple human being! I guess thatz the aspect of his, that I shall remember forever. Bless his soul! I am gonna miss you aNNAvre.

Apr 11

Why Soliloquies in Hiding?

I’d like to start writing this, as if I am continuing something that I have been telling you from quite sometime! Or seemingly, perhaps, I was in the middle of the conversation, and you joined in!
…..yeah, it had been a long while, since I wrote something in here. Yep, that’s right, I did put something up occassionally, but I am sure, it could be made out easily, that it was done in an absolutely detached manner! Writer’s Block? Perhaps so. Well, there was no dearth of thoughts though! The mind went racing through taverns and valleys, scaling heights, and flying wild. That probably could be the reason too! For me to sit and write, the mind needs to be still and talk. While it did talk, as I said, it went on racing! Is my mind still now? Well, it is something I will realize when I’d have completed writing this. Right now, it is humming a song!
There is something that has to be said about the privacy of these thoughts! The security of the enclosure of the mind, is the most valuable for a human. For he knows not, what awaits for him, if his thoughts would rush out of his brain through his mouth/pen, and be known to the whole wide world! It may bring him bouquets, brickbats, and sometimes, even bullets! It is this uncertainity that warrants the secrecy of the thoughts. There is one other aspect – morals! Some may call it an offshoot of the former, but I’d like to see it as a separate reason in itself. For how many thoughts, that crop up in our minds are worthy of sharing, morally? Thoughts, soliloquies, musings, are all aspects of a darker side of human mind. Darker, not because of its nature, but because it is hidden! I sought this hiding, to escape from being called a “weirdo”, a “nerd”. Sharing thoughts in open, made me an outcast, and different from the rest! One wasn’t expected to think on lines, other than that of the rest! And yet, I did.
This is much like my secret getaway, a fantasy, the neverfoundland of the yore! Here I, forever, am young! My thoughts and soliloquies, may elicit responses from foes, friends, and people whom I have never seen, or would never see. Then there are majority of those, who just read this blog, as something to while their times off, at the end of the day! But that is OK now. I no longer despise being different from the rest! I revel in my uniqueness, and weirdness! This haven is mine to rule!
I fell asleep in the middle of writing this all up, and now, having got up in the morning, the train of thoughts seems to have come to the station, after unloading all its passengers! Yes! It now stands still, like the stillness of the night. There is dawn breaking through the clouds, and I can hear the winds bellowing outside of my window. Before long, this part of the world would’ve woken up, and another part will go to rest. And my mind shall again begin the rigmaroles of its existence – boarding incoherent thoughts that, as the journey continues, somehow begin to make sense. And at times, when it comes to a stop, I shall visit my hiding.

Apr 05

In the Passing….



Garfield was created by Jim Davis.
Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Patterson.
Thank you both guyz… things wouldn’t be the same for me without Garfy and C & H. 🙂

Apr 01

“Born Into Brothels” – Of Hopes and Dreams!

Khud ko kar buland itna
Ke har tadbeer se pehle
Khuda bande se pooche
Bata teri razaa kya hai

It’s been about 10 mins past since I turned off the DVD Player. Had been watching a documentary movie – “Born into Brothels – Calcutta’s Red Light Kids”. Let me give you all the introductory information regarding this movie. It won the Oscar Awards for best documentary in the year 2005, apart from 12 other awards in various prestigious ceremonies all over the world. This movie is directed by Zana Briski and Ross Kauffman. The movie is about the life of the children of prostitutes in Sonagachi – the Red Light area in Calcutta.

There are a set of people who usually object to such movies on the grounds that the Western movie makers seem to be only interested in showcasing the rotting and debilitating aspects of India, rather than show her development and progress on the World Frontier. This aspect is something that I do not even consider worth dealing with in this post at this time. So if there is any wish of bringing that up here, you are welcome to close the browser!
The documentary starts with the director coming to the brothel as a teacher of photography, and handing each kid a camera, and showing them how to shoot photographs. What unveils next is a gentle bonding between the director and a group of children, that takes the viewers to the most sensitive details of their lives! The director’s fight with the local system, families of the children, and the government to get the children a better life, by getting them admitted to a boarding school, even exhibiting their photographs in an exhibition abroad, and giving an opportunity for a kid in the brothel to travel abroad, the eventualities of the children in the end, is what the movie is all about in terms of the story. The effect is verbally immeasurable!
There are a genre of movies that portray vividly the disdain experienced by the downtrodden in all its stark nakedness that makes one steal views, or turn heads! But this movie unlike them, does not leave you with a pain in the heart. It leaves you with hope, and dream, like that of those children – a better tomorrow, a better life! Shanti, Avijit, Suchitra, Manik, Tapasi, Pooja, Kochi, these are children who for some reason go through the travails of abuse every day! There is a moment when the kids are tested for being HIV +ve, when the heart stands still! The dread of becoming one “with the line”, is starkly visible in the eyes of the kids! And yet when one hears them sing joyfully on their way to the zoo, see them playing with wanton abandon in the waters of the beach, invariably the lips trace a curve. Such is the magic of their spirits, that fights undaunted, the hypocrism and abuse of the so called developed society!
This movie is a must watch. The subject is reason enough. If one is in the habit of cribbing, complaining, and exhaling mounds of long drawn sighs at the unjust life, take a break, and watch this movie. It’s a shame, we lack their spirits! The best thing? They give us a part of their own! Adios!