Closures….

zindagi kis kadar aasaan hoti
rishte gar hote libaas –
aur badal lete kameezon ki tarah!

– Gulzar
(How easy would’ve life been, if only relationships were like clothes! And we could change them like shirts!)

Reading Gulzar is like walking into a tornado! It sweeps you with its words, tosses your heart around, devastating and bringing out to open every hidden memories and when the rage of the words have calmed down, we look around to see all those promises of the yore, lying around, naked and orphaned. And yet there is a lightness of being – as though the carcass burden of the past has been lifted off, and there is now room for some fresh flowers to blossom.

Have you ever had a situation, where you had to decide to end a relationship? How does one choose to end it? Do we burn all the letters they had written to us? Throw away the pictures? Discard every piece of paper that reeks of their memory? Possibly all of it. Perhaps we try desperately to erase their memories from our mind in every conceivable manner.  But would we really be successful in eroding them? The waves of time may splash continuously, breaking those hardened memories, reducing them to sand, that is strewn around. Soon enough some foot steps show up on them, a momentary relapse perhaps?  The street we had been on… the coffee shop we sat and had the one-by-two sip? But soon enough, the waves come along and wash it away.

Nurtured relations are probably the worst to erase.  Every cell in our being understands the care and effort that had gone in growing the relation.  The time that was spent, now looks futile and stands across mocking at our foolishness. Ah! Did I really think this would be it?! The one answer to all the questions of life?! And a dry smile curves up the lips.  Indeed! How foolish!!

The mind starts its monkey business and we begin our postmortem.  Words that were said, promises that were made. Who made them? The first promise that was broken, the first fight that broke. Who started it? Who to blame?The phone rings, and we invariably recognize the number.  One wonders why the mind remembers it, though it was deleted long ago.  The eternal debate of whether to respond or not, ravages the peaceful terrains. Is it really possible to bring a closure to a relationship? To cut away a part of you, and forget that there is a gaping hole there? How? How? How? The question echoes itself.. but no answer is heard: just the howl of the vaccum filling up in the silent crevices.. where there once was laughter… longing sighs.. whispering secrets and teasing smiles.

Gulzar’s lyrics comes to mind again… from the movie “Ijaazat”….
“mera kuchh saamaan
tumhaare paas padaa hai……“