Boom-busty Bollywood!!

Once upon a time, there was a land called Bollywood! It was famed all around the world as one of the busiest filmland, where everyday someone or the other was doing something or the other, which did not make sense, to either them or the rest of the world! Nevertheless, sense was never a criteria and all that mattered was that someone must be doing something! Now in this melee, there were a few mutants that actually started making sense in what they were doing but they did not last long! Before long they were all forgotten and the film land again went back to being senseless and everyone lived stupidly and worthlessly ever after!!!!

It again had been a long time since I wrote anything.. and some of my friends had started sending me hate mails! They were very gory and scared me and eventually made me write out a column for all those who regularly read it (now.. I tend to do a lot of imaginations.. so don’t get hung up on the numbers). Infact some of them even threatened to send me entire collections of Me-“ghana” naidu and Mallika sherawat’s videos! Now before things could turn that violent and nasty, I decided to jump in and end the crisis. Now exactly what it is that scares me about the recent “bombs” that the bollywood is dropping (and the ones my readers threatened me with), is very hard to point out! (Now this, I realize is a paradox. For there is absolutely nothin’ in ’em thatz hard to point out!) One thing is for sure that, what they lack in acting they more than make up in their oomphs! (am sure the maker wud have exclaimed “oops” the day he made ’em!). It takes a knack unsurpassable by anyone other than Ms. Sherawat to turn a beautiful romantic story as Eric Seagel’s “Love Story” into a disaster like “Khwaish” that almost had me puking everywhere! Oh! now I hear Himan”shoo” crying.. there.. there.. don’t u cry! You really had my jaws drop and eyes wide open till they dehydrated! Now, that acting which u did was really “to die for”. Your acting in “Rain”, especially when you dance around in the bath tub, has saved my life! I mean that thing what you did, infact sent a rabid, wildly mad and completely senseless buffoon running for cover! I owe it to you dude!!

You know, I really am all for passing a law, that should make the worst actors in the industry to be tied up to a pin cushion, with all the pins turned upwards, and play back to back all of their movies. And I am pretty sure, that they’d prefer sittin’ on the pins than have their brains busted by their so called acting skills. What has me really worried is that the all pervading sense of competition among the Indians, seems to be showing out even in the movies that Bollywood is churning out! Before long, it was Ms. Sherawat who used to gimme nightmares, but then came along Ms. Meghana Naidu (I knew there was something in the name!!) and before I could swoon down into a coma, the nail in the coffin was Payal Rohatgi! I mean.. can anyone actually blame even the stone faced Jatin for showing such constipated expressions?!! There were moments, when Ms. Rohatgi was trying to seduce him with her expressive eyes! Believe me, I haven’t cringed as much even while watching a horror movie! “door dus cities tak jahan bhi baccha rota hai, to baap bolta hai.. beta so jaa nahin to payal aajayegi!”

Now, what has my overly active imagination running wild as a mad dog, is the thought of casting all these madames with all those Mess(y)ieurs into one single movie! And then, we could use that to torture the most nastiest criminals into confession and even use it as a WMD (as I always say.. mass beats mass)! Or else, it would just turn out to be yet another senseless thing that everyone else in the industry is doing! Oh Well!